Mr Wong

Being unemployed a lot I get excited when it comes to free stuff.

Some might say too excited.

I often frequent an all you can eat chinese at lunch for £3.50. Now the food isn't great, but its £3.50 and its all you can eat.

But one day, in my haste to create fatty deposits for rainier days, i grossly over-estimated my digestive capabilities.

The next day the resulting poo blockage was one of biblical proportions.

I ransacked the medical cupboard for a laxative (shut up, i could have a medical cupboard) but to no avail.

My housemates were now banging on the door with their pleas for loo vacancy.

"You don't care about my plight you villains, with your sprightly jig and free flowing colon. Pass me some dates!"

I ate the whole pack.

Now i play the waiting game.

What seemed like days past when all of a sudden i heard some commotion and awoke from my feverish glaze. There was a new knock on the bathroom door. An optimistic and somewhat overly respectful knock.

"Mr Woe"

"Yes" I cry feebly and flick the lock.

"Oh Mr Woe, where you been? I was tewwibly worried Mr Woe!"

To my unadulterated joy it was my good friend Mr Wong from the chinese.

He took me strongly by the hand

"Push Mr Woe, Push"

"Aaaaargh!"

The pain was unbearable. Tears rolled freely down my bloated cheeks.

"Breath Mr Woe"

"Shut up! I hate you Mr Wong!"

"I love you Mr Wong!"

and suddenly, i was free.

Lessons were learnt from that day.

From that day forth i didn't go anywhere without dates ...and Mr Wong.